Boring... 

This is chalk. Where have all the upsets been!?!

Every favorite moved on to the Elite Eight Friday night. In fact, there has been a dearth of upsets in this year's festivities. Unlike most years, where we'd already be down to only a handful of people left, this year offers a reprieve for many. Six more Ganzans did join the loser pile tonight, including Natalie S, Jamie B, 2021 champ Dave B, 2017 champ Daskell (the cat), Wally, and the constantly anesthetized David G. 

In record setting fashion, we also still have 6 contestants with all of their teams left. This group includes Trevor G 1 ('98 & '00 champ), longtime participant and owner of '22 champ Murray (the dog) Tim S, Eric S, super long time contestant and consistent loser LA Frank G, Ed L ('07, '11, '15), and Seattle Seahawks obsessed Josh G. 

This is Vlad P. He loves the new administration.

In more exciting news, Vlad P (pictured above) has been so ecstatic about the direction America is going, he's taken to riding bears through rivers. Asked why, he simply stated, "Vell, think about it. My useful puppet and his house of idiots are destroying everything your country has ever stood for. Ziss vill make my life easier. Long live the oligarchy!!"  

This is Donald T. He's never drunk water from a bottle before.

Allowed to only speak briefly so as not to show his dementia, senility, ignorance, and low IQ, Donald T rambled, "Vlad P is a great man. Whatever he says goes. He says bark like a dog, I bark like a dog. Think about it, he helped me win the election, both times! Great man, Vlad P, great man. 

Look, I only care about staying out of jail and making money. I don't give a shit about America or the Extravaganza. That's why I just let the Project 2025 guys do whatever they want. Honestly, I don't even know or care what they're doing. Screw the gullible losers that voted for me. They deserve what they get..." ... at which point his handlers whisked him out from in front of the cameras, told him to get out of their hair, or uh, go play golf until they needed him to do something else. 

ELITE EIGHT COMING UP!!

We should have a winner soon!