Special prosecutor Robert M. this week came out with his final report on his findings about the seriousness of Extravaganza co-founder Michael S.'s crimes against the participants. Robert M. is well known in legal and political circles as an honest straight shooter who holds a high regard for the law... and the Extravaganza. Unfortunately, when he sent in his picks this year, the organizing committee (except for one person...) felt obliged to deny his entry because of the ongoing investigation.
While his full report has not been released to the public, super reputable and highly regarded (by FOX so-called news, anyway) Attorney General William B. has announced that he will not be releasing the full report to the public, or prosecuting Michael S. for the claims of a bad attitude and negative writing in regards to this publication. When asked for a quote, William B. had this to say, "Just like George H.W. Bush and Donald J. Trump before him, Michael S. could not be prosecuted even if he did commit crimes. Oh, whoops, did I just say that out loud!?!"
Though attempts to contact Michael S. on his Hawaiian vacation for comment failed, he did soon thereafter send out a number of Tweets (listed below):
@RealMichaelS
No Collusion, No Obstruction, Complete and Total EXONERATION. KEEP AMERICA GREAT!
1:30am 24, Mar 2019
Michael S.
@RealMichaelS
I don't know what the hell Jack S. was doing picking No. 12 Oregon, but I'm sure glad he did. Dumb kid, still doesn't realize he's under age, and that I would get the money again... just like five years ago. Lucky that little kids can't remember much before they're 5 years old, otherwise I'd be screwed!"
1:45am 24, Mar 2019
Michael S.
@RealMichaelS
Go Duke!! I figured that by picking both them and Michigan St. from the same bracket, I've got this thing won. No COLLUSION!
4:25am 24, Mar 2019
Michael S.
@RealMichaelS
Mmmm... Hamberders... Hey, why isn't Fox and Friends on yet? They should have reruns on 24/7 so people aren't stuck with all that FAKE NEWS!
5:03am 24, Mar 2019
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