This is Jack S. He just won the 25th Annual Final Four Extravaganza.
Twenty four years after his father convincingly dominated and won the inaugural Extravaganza (taking home a breathtaking $75 in prize money) back in 1990, Michael S.'s son Jack S. followed in his father's footsteps. When reached for comment, Michael S. said, "This is one of the proudest days of my life." After thinking the microphone was turned off and the interview over, Michael S. could be heard saying, "It's about time this kid started carrying his own weight around here. All he's been doing this last nine months is eating, sleeping, and costing me money. I've got big plans for this sudden influx of dough I'm about to receive." When reminded that HE technically didn't win , Michael S. then chimed in with an indignant, "Oh yes I did. In a very real and legally binding sense!"
This is Jack S. when Kentucky sank a 3-pointer with 2.3 seconds left to win the game.
To complete this story, we went to some family friends of Jack S. to see what they had to say. Corey W. offered this, "I'm happy for my little buddy, joining me in the Hall of Champions. Picking a #8 seed in the Final Four and accumulating 7.5 points is nothing to sneeze at. The only thing that chaps my hide is that my own daughters, Lucy/Anabelle, were rooting for Jack S. and not me!" When asked what she had to say, Lucy responded, "What, baby Jack won!?! So what, everyone has to pay him? Does he even have a piggy bank?"
While we here at the Extravaganza offices congratulate our newest champion, there have been some as of yet unsubstantiated rumors of foul play. Unconfirmed reports state that money may have been paid to a certain Kentucky Senator prior to game time. Strings may have been pulled, officiating may have been influenced, and a stuffed turtle looking much like the artist's rendering below may have come into play. Again, it is unclear right now, but stay tuned, a scandal could be in the works.
Finally, as we all mail in our checks, slink back in our chairs, and wait for next year, it appears that as of now, Jack S. will have the last laugh (see video below).
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